Drum Circle, Fire, and Forgive

I just finished my 28th wedding anniversary get-away, and co-facilitating a retreat for several days. It's been a lot! I'm so glad to be sitting at my desk, listening to Real Estate training and following-up with my speakers for upcoming events.

When I look at all the moving parts it gets overwhelming, but I'm noticing that when I chill out and just focus on the person I'm texting right now, and the conversation I'm in at this moment, then I feel cool as a cucumber.

The Drum Circle

Usually when I'm helping at retreats I sit back during processes and hold space. But I really felt a strong soul nudge to not only participate in this process, but to show some initiative and stand up to get my drum first.

Something happened that really rocked me.

Someone asked me to dishonor that soul nudge.

I can't describe the instant anger that welled up inside of me when I felt like I had no choice but to obey.

When the facilitator invited us to intuitively choose our drum, I popped up first, picked up the drum that I knew was mine, and then was immediately interrupted. I quickly and quietly put the drum down and stood off to the side to wait.

Everyone saw. I was so embarrassed for the person who interrupted me. I could feel everyone's emotional charge about it. "Unfair". "Not right". Judgement. A lot of attention was drawn to us both after I picked up my drum... which was the only one left.

I want to tell this story because, while I have a LOT of fire in me, I come across as someone people can push around because I'm very forgiving and I want to co-operate.

And I have a process for letting it go.

I want to share that.

Releasing the Anger

First, I use my open emotional center to tap into the person who I feel offended me. If they were malicious then we will have words, or I'll release them from my world (generally speaking - I'm the Queen of my life. I don't have to put up with malicious people.). If they are not malicious, and just oblivious, or just think they are doing something how it's "supposed" to be done... then I go to asking if it's the right time to tell them that they were out of line.

After the drum circle was over I started processing.

No malice. Just "supposed to". And a little "You're the help" energy that felt gross.

Did I need to address this now? Or at all? Nope and Nope. Not with her. Just in my boundaries.

I'm not going to put myself in the position to be thought of as "The Help" anymore. AND! I opt to treat the people who are helping me like they are equal to everyone else if they have my permission to participate in a process with the rest of the guests. They ARE equal. Even if dollars were not paid from them. Even if I paid them. If I say they can participate then they get to be treated like a participant and not less-than everyone else.

Never are they less-than everyone else.

That was the painful part.

The release came from recognizing that the person who did it is money motivated, and no matter how much impact I make, since I wasn't one of the paying customers that makes me a notch below... and while that is gross to my integrity-o-meter, I understand their worldview and I don't see how I'm going to change it.

So, understanding that and just knowing what I'll do in the future if I'm invited to help... that took the fire and pain off my heart.

The Queen

In the past, this would have rocked my life for days on end. Maybe months. It would have stopped me from getting back to work. I would have cried my eyes out.

This is the kind of thing that triggers people's "I'm not valuable" and "I'm not worthy" beliefs, but I've worked with Angela Flinn on healing my nervous system and casting out the goobers that scream those things at my head, and THAT is worth talking about.

This version of me is so much healthier than the version who would have been incapacitated by this.

Past-me had "nobody loves me" and "I'm not worth" and "I'm too much" and "I'm not enough" all meshed together in a big vat of despair.

No despair today. Or yesterday.

For me this is a signal that I can handle being a new real estate investor while planning and executing 7 events next year.

I've got this.

Love,

Bronwen